DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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