Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Can I color on your dick again?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
