you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
