I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
