My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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