you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
