lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
