Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
