Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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