Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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