I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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