i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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