i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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