Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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