Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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