There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
