I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
