I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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