There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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