I hate all girls vehemently.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
