i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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