It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
