New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
