These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
