I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Drunk is not a location!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
