So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
