ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
