Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
