I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
