Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
