Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
