I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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