i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
