so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
