Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
