How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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