Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
