My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
