overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
