'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
