what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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