YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
