Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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