so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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