My nipple is on Facebook.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
