i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
