do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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