i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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