ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
