I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
