also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
