I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you didnt know i had herpes?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
