When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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