it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
