Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
