i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
