I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
