Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
