i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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