you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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