i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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