he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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