well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
