Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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